Break Ups 101

Who says breaking up is fun. The end means the beginning of mourning and healing for both people. If the break up was mutual both people will experience a period of adjustment where they are getting used to no longer being together. If the break up was not mutual the person who ended things may be dealing with guilt and feelings that they may have made a mistake. The person being broken up with will definitely have to adjust, first to being rejected and second to life without somebody they still care for. How do you get through those first few weeks? Here we list eight essential things everybody must do in the early days of a break up to let the healing begin.

1. Avoid the former love. Yes, avoid. No, this isn’t being immature. Seeing your former flame can bring out emotions and may cause you do to or say something you will regret. In the first few weeks the best thing you can do for yourself is not be where you know they will be.

2. Talk out your feelings with close friends. Get everything out so that you won’t hold it inside. Your friends may get sick of hearing you talk about the situation but you need to let out all your feelings and thoughts or they may come back to bite you later.

3. Cry if you want to. It’s OK to cry over a loss. Don’t hold back, let the tears roll just do it in a safe and private place where it is unlikely to get back to your ex. You don’t want your tears to be used as a guilt trip. Their purpose is to cleanse you of any pain not make your lover come back.

4.Let go of mementos. Put away or give away anything and everything that reminds you of the relationship. Hide them out of sight so they will be out of mind until you are able to remember the relationship without longing for it to still be going strong.

5. Don’t slip up and get together with your ex. When you are feeling sad or missing a relationship it can be very easy to fall back in to the arms of your ex but NEVER do this. This will only set you back and let’s face it; if things ended the relationship wasn’t perfect to begin with so why would you want to rekindle things?

6. Focus on all the things about your ex that drove you crazy, turned you off, or that you just plain found annoying. Think about these things often and replay them in your mind over and over. Dwell on them. It will make you feel better to remember that your former flame was not perfect and that there are things you won’t really miss.

7. Think about the mean, cruel or rude things your ex may have done in your relationship. Really give these things play in your memory. Remind yourself that somebody who truly cared for you would not have done such thoughtless things and tell yourself (over and over) that you are better off without that kind of ego crushing behavior in your life.

8. Maintain a strict no contact policy and stick with it. Don’t pass notes through friends. Don’t make any calls. Stay away from instant messaging or text messaging on your cell. Just don’t contact your ex until you are totally and completely sure you no longer want to be with him or her. It is the only way.

Mending a broken heart is not easy but it can be done. Just stick to the game plan outlined above and before you know it you’ll be just fine. Break a leg! *wink!*

My First Heartbreak

I was 16 when my heart started to fall for someone. We were good friends since we were kids. I was young and inexperienced. I didn't know what I was feeling. I had confusion on how I felt. I was thinking that this is an odd feeling that is never understood. And even, Shakespeare never understood love in the deepest possible sense, He wrote poems and stories about love, but, understanding a feelin? I do not think he understood that. Feelings are never understood. Feelings are felt, and more often than not we always try to ignore it. You should never be ashamed of your feelings. They're always true. You should never hide it. Show your feelings to the one person you want to share it with. If you are hurt, tell that person that you are hurt. If you are happy or sad or confused, tell that person how you feel about him. If you love that person, tell him that you love him. Every day, every minute, every moment that you feel like it. Hey, this was suppose to be my first heartbreak story. So, let me begin again.I was 16 when I fell in love for someone. (This isn't homosexuality. It is more of a deeper fraternal love for one another.) I was inexperienced, innocent and curious. He was cute and the smile on his face always reminds me on my own smile. I was 16 and he was 17. I was in 10th Grade and he was on his last year in high school. We go for a walk together. Stroll along the beach. Go running in the rain and go up the mountains to pick up spiders and store them in clear tubes. We were super buddies. We liked doing things together. He'd call me every night. We'd talked for hours on the phone. We'd go camping outside the house every weekend. We even built a treehouse together so we could hang out together undisturbed. We were inseparable. We were like brothers or more than that. We took care of each other.We never had any catch or any commitment. We just loved being with each other and doing things together. He would always come by the house with the smile on his face. I always love the way he would greet my Mum smiling. And his sleepy spanish eyes would always make me and my Mum smile, too.The school year ended. And here comes the summer sun. We went on a camping school together. We told ourselves that we should spend the summer together because he'd be going to the city for college by the end of summer. It broke tore my heart a bit but neglected that feeling. Thinking it would go away somehow.Here comes the summer and we enjoyed camping. We went swimming in the lake. We went fishing together, too. And the thing that we loved the most? Collecting spiders of all sorts and colors. We would stay away from poisonous ones though. We would climb trees and we would lay down on the grass looking at the sky trying to make out figures of the clouds that pass us by.Time passed by. The summer is about to end that year. We had campfire and decided to sleep under the stars. We were beside each other when he started telling me how he loved being with me all the time. How he loved looking at me smiling and how he loved taking care of me. Then, he told me with the deepest emotion the words; "I love you, Matthew! You're one great buddy!".My heart started to beat faster and faster, then, I also told him that I love him that much, too. And if I could, I would like to keep him forever. He went on top of me and I saw for the first time, in all those years, his eyes were flooded with tears.At that moment, I felt the same thing. We were losing each other. Then, he hugged me as tight as he could. I could not help myself but cry as well. Then, he kissed me on the lips. I kissed him back. We kissed each other while both of us sobbed. We were telling each other how much we cared for each other. How much we treasured each moment together.The kiss was about our deepest feelings for each other. Our friendship nourished for years of togetherness. No other way was sufficient enough to tell each other how much we feel for each other. How much we were like brothers and more than that how much we were in love with each other. Not a lustful kind of love but a fraternal love.We never kissed again after that night. We kissed once and I treasured that moment with him.Summer was about to end. He went to the city for college after the summer camp ended. We took one last glimpse on each other. Tears flooding our eyes. When the bus went off. I thought I'd never lived to see another day. I cried every night. Crying myself to sleep. It's f**cking hard. It's like losing a part of yourself. A very essential part of yourself. I missed our time together. I miss my friend.I don't care how people will judge my experience. I will never be ashamed of this. This has thought me how to love deeply and how to treasure your friends and the people around you. People who love you. I hope to see him again someday. I have not seen him in eight years. I hope he still remembers me how much we loved each since high school. How much we value each other's company. The night we kissed, the night we said; "I love you!". That night, I thought would never end.