A Valentine's Day to Remember

More than a year ago, I was with someone I cared for. I was almost in the brink of giving my all to him, giving all of me. I always had a haunch that this guy was cheating on me so I started to back off and then I fell out of love for him. He wasn't the one I am willing to give my whole heart to.

14.February.2007

I believe trust is more important than monogamy. Once broken, you can no longer put it back. Just like Humpty-Dumpty. Stupid of him to sat on the wall and fall. And so stupid of me to have written this. However, if you can put it back, it may never be the same thing again. The truth hurts. It's powerful. It's like a sharp knife. It may be used to crave images and inspire others but can also inflict so much pain. Things honestly said won't hurt that much. One must face the truth, for truth set things in their proper order. Trust! A difficult thing to fix. And if you can't fix it, just step on it.

He Loves Me

I'm just being paranoid! Why? I've been fooled a lot of times. I've been through the storm. I've been bruised. I have loved and been rejected. I have loved much and have been ignored. I have given my all and have been taken for granted. I continue to love though I'm afraid to hurt again. I'm scarred so much. My heart have been ripped to pieces. And you know what? I found him. I found the one who would like to keep me forever. Someone who did all his best to keep me whole. And that's Dub Dub.

Questions Should Have Answers or I'm Just Paranoid?

I was worried about a few things today. I have issues that I want to discuss with him. A lot of questions are running through my head. I can't concentrate and my heart is in pain. All I can do is just to sigh about it. Relationships should always be open, right? Should there always be secrets? Do you need to tell your partner everything? A profile question not answered about being monogamous? Is that an issue? For me, I would be. Am I not assured of his love? Why do I have doubts? Or am I really doubting? Or am I just afraid that I've been played around? I don't know what to do. My head is spinning. I don't know what to do? I don't where to start. I want answers. I think the problem is with me. Or is it me? It really hurts me a lot when you are so serious about someone. You gave your all. Your whole self only to find out that you were tricked. You were made to believe about these things. I don't want to be in that situation again. I want someone worth all the pain. Oh I don't know. I can't think right. I wish to see him now. I want him now. *sigh!*

I Dont' Wanna Lose Myqel...

I didn't expect Dub Dub to go back to the city yesterday. We had a bit of fight or I think it wasn't a fight at all. We just needed to reason out to the minute detail about the paranoia that we both were experiencing. We just had to pour out what our hearts were keeping. Dub Dub once saw me sending an SMS to De Paul asking if he was good-looking. He never told me about what he saw. He kept it in his heart. It kinda disappointed me in a way that we agreed that we should not keep secrets. That we holler put what we think is not right about certain things. I didn't get to tell him that today. I just realized that part now. I'm very afraid now. I don't wanna lose Myqel. I just don't wanna lose Myqel. He is everything to me. He is the one I'm willing to give my whole heart to. I don't wanna lose my Dub Dub...