My First Heartbreak

I was 16 when my heart started to fall for someone. We were good friends since we were kids. I was young and inexperienced. I didn't know what I was feeling. I had confusion on how I felt. I was thinking that this is an odd feeling that is never understood. And even, Shakespeare never understood love in the deepest possible sense, He wrote poems and stories about love, but, understanding a feelin? I do not think he understood that. Feelings are never understood. Feelings are felt, and more often than not we always try to ignore it. You should never be ashamed of your feelings. They're always true. You should never hide it. Show your feelings to the one person you want to share it with. If you are hurt, tell that person that you are hurt. If you are happy or sad or confused, tell that person how you feel about him. If you love that person, tell him that you love him. Every day, every minute, every moment that you feel like it. Hey, this was suppose to be my first heartbreak story. So, let me begin again.I was 16 when I fell in love for someone. (This isn't homosexuality. It is more of a deeper fraternal love for one another.) I was inexperienced, innocent and curious. He was cute and the smile on his face always reminds me on my own smile. I was 16 and he was 17. I was in 10th Grade and he was on his last year in high school. We go for a walk together. Stroll along the beach. Go running in the rain and go up the mountains to pick up spiders and store them in clear tubes. We were super buddies. We liked doing things together. He'd call me every night. We'd talked for hours on the phone. We'd go camping outside the house every weekend. We even built a treehouse together so we could hang out together undisturbed. We were inseparable. We were like brothers or more than that. We took care of each other.We never had any catch or any commitment. We just loved being with each other and doing things together. He would always come by the house with the smile on his face. I always love the way he would greet my Mum smiling. And his sleepy spanish eyes would always make me and my Mum smile, too.The school year ended. And here comes the summer sun. We went on a camping school together. We told ourselves that we should spend the summer together because he'd be going to the city for college by the end of summer. It broke tore my heart a bit but neglected that feeling. Thinking it would go away somehow.Here comes the summer and we enjoyed camping. We went swimming in the lake. We went fishing together, too. And the thing that we loved the most? Collecting spiders of all sorts and colors. We would stay away from poisonous ones though. We would climb trees and we would lay down on the grass looking at the sky trying to make out figures of the clouds that pass us by.Time passed by. The summer is about to end that year. We had campfire and decided to sleep under the stars. We were beside each other when he started telling me how he loved being with me all the time. How he loved looking at me smiling and how he loved taking care of me. Then, he told me with the deepest emotion the words; "I love you, Matthew! You're one great buddy!".My heart started to beat faster and faster, then, I also told him that I love him that much, too. And if I could, I would like to keep him forever. He went on top of me and I saw for the first time, in all those years, his eyes were flooded with tears.At that moment, I felt the same thing. We were losing each other. Then, he hugged me as tight as he could. I could not help myself but cry as well. Then, he kissed me on the lips. I kissed him back. We kissed each other while both of us sobbed. We were telling each other how much we cared for each other. How much we treasured each moment together.The kiss was about our deepest feelings for each other. Our friendship nourished for years of togetherness. No other way was sufficient enough to tell each other how much we feel for each other. How much we were like brothers and more than that how much we were in love with each other. Not a lustful kind of love but a fraternal love.We never kissed again after that night. We kissed once and I treasured that moment with him.Summer was about to end. He went to the city for college after the summer camp ended. We took one last glimpse on each other. Tears flooding our eyes. When the bus went off. I thought I'd never lived to see another day. I cried every night. Crying myself to sleep. It's f**cking hard. It's like losing a part of yourself. A very essential part of yourself. I missed our time together. I miss my friend.I don't care how people will judge my experience. I will never be ashamed of this. This has thought me how to love deeply and how to treasure your friends and the people around you. People who love you. I hope to see him again someday. I have not seen him in eight years. I hope he still remembers me how much we loved each since high school. How much we value each other's company. The night we kissed, the night we said; "I love you!". That night, I thought would never end.