I Don't Have Time For Him...*sobs!*

I just wanna write about this feeling that I'm having right now and I was having before and every now and then. I don't feel it constantly. It surfaces up whenever I'm faced with a certain situation. I don't wanna be rude or be someone who messes up the fun. I cannot say that he has no time for me because he gives me all the time in the world. I'm guessing that it's a problem with me. I don't know what I really felt at that instant when he told me that his meeting up his friend later after he went home and eat dinner. I had this thought in my head that he would rather meet him that stay with me? Hahahaha! I'm laughing silently inside my heart. They're his friends. They've been together for so long. I remember the time when we were still not partners. I was starting to court him. He did not want to go for a relationship with me because I was with the group. I told him I would be very glad to stay out of the group just to be with him. And you know what he told me? He said: "Don't stay away from the group because even if you do that it will not be an assurance that I will go with you." See? I'm in no position to get jealous. *wink!* I think my point in being jealous is that I don't get to spend much time with him. It's really a problem with me. I work five days a week. If were together we just sleep. We don't get to talk. We don't get to spend time outside together. Enjoy the weekend together. I wish I could be with him this Saturday. I wanna spend time with him. Just me and him for once because I don't get to do that with him. I was telling Elma about this today. She told me I'm jealous with his friends and the way that he is enjoying the night out and you both can't get to do that. Yeah, we never really danced together. I don't dance but I never said I can't though. When we became partners we haven't had night out with any of our friends. If we did and I don't really remember he would see me sleepy and he would suggest that we go home so that I could sleep. Am I jealous with his friends? Am I jealous because I don't have time for him? Or am I just paranoid? I think I could cry. In fact, my heart is crying silently. All I know is that I love him and I want him to enjoy his life in anyway he can. I'm willing to sacrifice everything.